Last week I hit an emotional wall. I’m not normally a crier, but that morning I couldn’t stop. I was embarrassed and disgusted by my bad attitude, general grouchiness, and inability to control my eating. I’d pushed hard to finish my latest book, and it came out on our anniversary. Kelly and I excitedly celebrated both, then enjoyed a two-day visit with our friend from Hawaii. Immediately after these three mountaintop experiences, I took a nose dive into a dark place.
However, there were still things to do, so I kept gardening, writing, and caring for our home and family—without joy or motivation. I kept pushing through, hoping to dispel the darkness by the sheer force of my will, but what I needed was Jesus. And some rest.
After my husband found me in tears, he prayed for me. And since the wall didn’t move, I realized I would have to. I admitted I was depleted and needed an emotional health day to catch up. I spent extra time in the Word, bailed on most of my to-do projects that day, got a massage, snuggled in bed, and read just for fun. I finally admitted the world would continue to function if I stepped away for a minute, and lo and behold, it did!
Why is it so hard for me to take a needed break now and then? I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this “wall” of self-imposed exhaustion.
The enemy takes advantage of our fatigue to pull us into a mire of depression and discouragement. Often, we let him, because of pride. We somehow feel we must always be productive, useful, and working in order to please the Lord (and everyone else). Until we’re such a mess that we can’t function anymore.
For me, nighttime is the worst. I begin to worry and stress about “if only’s” and “what if’s” and beat myself up for whatever I did or didn’t do right that day. It takes concerted effort to take those thoughts captive—to frisk them at the door for contraband. And then counteract the enemy’s shame and guilt with God’s truth which protects my heart and mind—I am saved; I am loved.
For those who sleep, sleep at night…
But since we belong to the day, let us be sober,
putting on faith and love as a breastplate,
and the hope of salvation as a helmet.
1 Thess. 5:7-8
Jesus is the One who helps me remember I’m a person of the light, and He exposes those shadowy thoughts with the assurance of His love. I’m already loved; I don’t have to do anything to earn it; Jesus offers it freely. My hope is in Him. I can take a break when I’m depleted, and trust Him to take care of the world.
Whether you are currently depleted to the point of exhaustion, or just taking a break to read this blog for encouragement, this song is sure to lift your spirits. I hope you enjoy Tauren Wells and Gary LeVox from Rascall Flatts in “Your Grace Found Me.”