I had planned to post a different article today for my Hope Series, but right now, I just need to talk.
This morning I learned that searchers found the body of our twenty-one-year-old friend, who’s been missing for three weeks, floating in the Bay. We’ve prayed diligently every day for his safe return, since he left home. I know his mom and brother have been going out of their minds with worry and fear.
This is exactly why I began the series in the first place. Hopelessness and despair has a grip on people young and old. We have lost our anchor.
Life is hard. We all have days when we wonder how we’ll ever recover from the blow that has taken us down. But when we turn to God, we recover. I don’t know how it’s possible sometimes, but we do. It doesn’t happen quickly, and it’s not always pretty along the way, but we do recover. We even smile and laugh and love again, when we thought we never would.
We rise from the ashes of war, abuse, divorce, addiction, bankruptcy, and incarceration. With Christ. He is the anchor that holds us steady through the storm and keeps us from drifting into despair. In this world of grief and suffering He is our only Hope.
I’m a bit of a mess myself today. I’m sad, and so very angry. He died too young! I keep picturing this young man as he was when I saw him last–vibrant, in love with Jesus, curious, and mischievous. I pray he reached for Jesus in his last moments, who I am confident was there, reaching out to him.
I want the anguish to stop! For people to turn to God, and let Him heal their wounds and guide them through the messes and heartaches of life like only He can.
My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?
Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.
I am worn out from my groaning.
All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.
The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.
Psalm 6:3-4, 6, 9
God hears our cries and He cares about our pain. If you have been thinking about ending your own life please, please understand that this is not the answer. And your death will leave so much heartache for those left without you. Reach out for Jesus instead. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what to say. He knows your heart. I He will help you through.
Do not choose death. Choose life with Jesus. Let Him ease your suffering and bring you joy.
There were times during my separation and divorce, and for years afterward, when I could barely function. It came unexpectedly, like a flood (more of a tsunami really). I was in shock, devastated, destroyed. For months I couldn’t sleep more than 2-3 hours a night. I went from being a stay-at-home-writer-homeschooler-mom, to a career woman with two high schoolers, whose lives were also turned upside down by the breakup. I was so exhausted. Most days I functioned on coffee power and a desperate hold on Jesus.
How I wished I could escape the pain and go lay in the sun on a beach somewhere until my brain rebooted, and I felt human again! But that was not God’s plan for me. Instead, He held me while I cried seemingly endless tears, and wrestled in pain and anger. He gave me scriptures like tiny morsels of food for my starving soul. And He heightened my senses, so that even on my worst days colors, scents, textures, and sounds ministered comfort like never before. They gave me reasons to praise Him.
During that time, God was my only rest; my only hope. Through an act of my will, I clung to Jesus in hope, and He did not disappoint me. He was everything this psalm says, and more:
“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge” (Ps. 62:5-7).
The author of this psalm suggests: “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge” (Ps. 62:8). I wholeheartedly agree! God is our life and breath. He knows what we need, and has the power to supply it.
In Jesus’ own words, He calls us: “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matt. 11:28-30, Message).
That sounds like the kind of rest we need. And hope for better days ahead.
If you are grieving over the loss of your marriage, or have a friend struggling through divorce, I recommend my book, When Prince Charming Decides the Shoe No Longer Fits: God’s Healing After Divorce. We all need a friend to walk through the pain with us and help us find strength in God.
Citizen Way’s song “I Will” puts words to our deep need for reassurance in times when we’re so tired we can barely lift our head. Let their music and the beautiful scenes in this music video refresh you now.
those I care about living in dangerous areas of the world
dear ladies abandoned by those who vowed to love them forever
ministers waiting for the means to do God’s work
Add to that my own problems and concerns. I am overwhelmed; so aware of my insufficiencies. I cannot fix any of it! I don’t have the financial resources, I have no power to heal, I’m not smart enough to figure out the answers. I am small and limited. And that frustrates me!
But God reminded me I’m not supposed to fix everyone else’s problems. I’ve tried that before, and learned about the dangers of codependency. He doesn’t expect us to fix every problem we encounter. We do what we are able to— pray, give, encourage, prepare meals, hug, cry with those who are hurting, and pray again. But God is the only One who can do it all. He has the wisdom, power, resources, and perfect love for every need.
My life verse keeps me centered: David was in an impossible situation—hunted by Jonathan’s father King Saul, who was intent on murdering him so David couldn’t replace him as king. So, David ran to the desert. “And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God” (1 Sam. 23:16).
I’m sure Jonathan took food and provisions for David and his men. He confirmed his friendship with him and reassured David he would indeed be king someday (even though that meant he would not be the next king). And he prayed with him. But Jonathan did not go to war against his father or stay in the desert with his friend until all David’s problems were resolved. He pointed him to the only One who could meet all his needs and went back to living his own life.
You and I cannot be The Answer for anyone else. And we will be desperately disappointed if we expect anyone other than God to solve our problems.
“No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you” (Psalm 33:16-22).
Armies are only as strong as the men and weapons they contain. Horses go lame and can get shot from under you. Both men and animals get sick, and are subject to fear and bad weather.
The psalm nails it. Only God is untouched by all these things. He is the only One worthy of our hope.
He watches over those who worship Him
He is merciful
He will keep His followers alive until it’s our time to go to be with Him
He is our help
His is our Shield and Protector
He is holy, righteous, perfect, divine
We need hope—for ourselves and for those we love. For our broken world. For those who do not know the love of Christ. God knows this and will answer our cries. Let us lift up our hands to Him in faith and praise. This song, “God Really Loves Us” by the Crowder band and Dante Bowe, fills my soul with wonder and peace. Thank you, Lord!
Twice, in tremendous agony over lost love, I’ve been tempted to take my own life. On both occasions God stopped me before I acted on those feelings.
The first time, I had a knife to my wrist, when the whisper of God stopped me. Death was not the answer. He would heal my hurt.
The second, I was driving along a country road, sobbing helplessly. I noticed a tree at a curve in the road and contemplated speeding up to hit it full force. Again, the Spirit stopped me, reminding me I had two girls to raise. Plus, what would it say about my proclaimed faith in God if I gave up now? Jesus would hold me through the heart-shredding pain. Even when the thought returned on other trips past that tree, God kept me on the road and gave me the will to live.
Years later, I could relate to the despair portrayed in the movie “Castaway.” Tom Hanks plays a FedEx executive shipwrecked on an island for four years, kept alive only by his wife, Kelly’s, picture and his determination to get back to her. When his will to survive wears thin, he attempts to commit suicide, but even that fails. When he finally makes it back home, we anticipate a happy ending, but he finds out his wife, thinking him dead, has remarried. How can a guy survive so much loss?
His friend asks how he resisted the temptation to kill himself on the island, and how he will recover from this new devastating blow. He says:
“I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So… I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself. I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me. And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so, I couldn’t even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over NOTHING. And that’s when…I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope…So that’s what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day…the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I’m back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass… And I’ve lost her all over again. I’m so sad that I don’t have Kelly. But I’m so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?”
When we put our trust in God, this is even more true. We never know what is just around the bend, or coming on the next tide. We don’t know what He has planned for us. That is what happened for me. I’m so glad God never let me go, even when my faith was weak. He gave me hope for a better tomorrow. And now I have a life full of love and purpose.
James 4:14 says we don’t know what will happen tomorrow. We cannot boastfully plan to get rich, travel the world, and enjoy perfect health. But neither can we predict doom and gloom for the rest of our lives. So, wait for the next wave and see what comes. God might bring just what you need to get off your island of despair. Ask Him what to do where you are right now. And hold on.
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Ps. 27:13-14)
Nichole Nordeman’s song, “Hold On” was such a comfort to me in my darkest days after a divorce that threatened to destroy me. I hope it helps you too.
Did your parents ever forget to pick you up from school, or after sports or music practice?
Did they ever drive off and leave you behind, even for a minute, thinking you were already in the car?
Have you ever extended an invitation for dinner or planned to meet with someone who never showed up?
Being forgotten is awful! Yet we all experience it in big and small ways almost every day. The truth is, if we depend on people we will be forgotten–our hopes and even our needs left unmet.
However, sometimes we perceive (think or feel like) we’ve been forgotten, when in reality, we have not.
God never forgets us.
“God will never forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish” (Psalm 9:18). Did you catch that? Never. God never forgets where we are or what we need, even if it feels like it. Our feelings come and go, but God’s Word is constant and reliable.
I love the story of Hagar in Genesis 16 (a good read!). God had promised a son to Abraham and Sarah—yea for them! But they were getting old, and so they tried to make it happen through their own efforts—never a good idea. The result was a baby born to Sarah’s maid Hagar, who ended up getting mistreated by God’s own people—ouch! So she ran away. But God had not forgotten her; He saw her pain and came to talk to her personally.
“The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert…And he said, ‘Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?’
‘I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,’ she answered.
Then the angel of the Lord told her, ‘Go back to your mistress and submit to her.’ The angel added, ‘I will increase your descendants so much that they will be too numerous to count.’…
‘You are now pregnant and you will give birth to a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery’…
She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me’” (Gen. 16:7-11, 13).
Abraham and Sarah, who should have cared about her needs, mistreated and abused her. They didn’t see her as a person, just a slave. But God saw Hagar. And that assurance gave her the strength to go back (where her and her baby’s needs would be taken care of) and serve them. Even though Abraham and Sarah had been unkind, God was with her.
Maybe today you are feeling forgotten. Perhaps you’ve been hurt by the words or treatment of someone who calls themself a Christian. You may feel so discouraged that you want to end it all. Please don’t. Please.
Right now, call on the name of Jesus, who sees you , right where you are. And ask Him for help. He cares for you.
“Mark it down. You will never go where God is not.” Max Lucado
Have you been let down so many times that you’re afraid to hope again? People don’t always follow through. Unforeseen circumstances (or pandemics) have made it impossible for some to carry out what they promised. And people change their minds, and don’t always realize, or care, how it affects others. Too many of those broken promises can make us cynical about trusting anyone again. Even God.
What began as a dinner invitation, ended up being a lifelong friendship for a wealthy couple from Shunam and the prophet Elisha. After that first meal together, they decided they wanted to fix up a room for him to stay in whenever he was passing through. Elisha was grateful for their kindness to him. When he wanted to do something for her in. return, his servant brought up the fact, “She has no son and her husband is old.” A son could take care of her in her old age, especially if she was widowed, and a child would dispel the stigma of childlessness. For in those days people assumed barrenness was God’s judgment for sin.
This woman was caring and hospitable, but afraid to ask anything for herself. Who knows how long she and her husband had tried to have children, or how many babies she lost over the years. How many times did her heart break when another friend announced they were pregnant with their second, third, or fourth child, while her arms were still empty? She didn’t want to have her heart broken again.
To her joy, God gave her a son a year later. But just as the boy was walking and talking it all came crashing down. He complained of a headache, and within a few hours he was dead. Distraught and angry, the woman ran to the prophet for help: “When she reached the man of God at the mountain, she took hold of his feet. Gehazi [his servant] came over to push her away, but the man of God said, ‘Leave her alone! She is in bitter distress, but the Lord has hidden it from me and has not told me why’ and she said, ‘Did I ask you for a son, my lord?’ she said. ‘Didn’t I tell you, “Don’t raise my hopes”?” (2 Kings 4:27-28).
She had been so afraid to hope, and yet, when trouble came…she ran to the prophet for help.
Can you relate? Are you afraid if you ask God for help, He’s going to let you down again? Or worse, do nothing?
Why, like this child, does God sometimes give us what we haven’t even asked for…and then take it away?
Years ago, I had a job I loved in the Learning Center of our community college, but I had to leave it to pursue a full-time job to support my girls and myself, when my husband left me. I had hoped to pick up another part-time job and stay at the college, but there was nothing available. A year or so later, I got a surprising email, saying I’d been recommended for the job as head of the Center. The woman I’d worked for was leaving on sabbatical and had written a glowing recommendation for me to take her place! It would mean a huge pay raise, doing what I loved, with all kinds of benefits. And I hadn’t even applied! Would I like the job?
Would I! I was wildly excited, quickly applied, and waited for an interview. It never came. I finally found out the college was required to advertise the job in-house first. Another woman had applied, and was awarded the position.
Unlike the Shunammite woman, who received her son back from the dead after Elisha prayed for him, my dream job stayed dead. For years I questioned why God would do that to me. Why would He dangle a golden carrot in front of me and then take it away?
A couple of years later, my girlfriend and I were talking about my upcoming marriage and move to another city. She posed this question. “If you had gotten that job at the college, would you be as willing to uproot and move to another city as you are today?”
“Probably not,” I admitted. “But why did God get my hopes up? It seems so cruel.”
“Think of all the good that came from it,” she said. “You were so broken after your divorce, believing you were stupid and a failure. It was a huge boost to your ego. Her letter of recommendation changed the way you saw yourself and encouraged you to keep on going.”
I admitted it was true. Plus, we agreed the job might have been more than I was emotionally ready for at the time. My girls and I were still in shock from the sudden loss of father and husband. A job with so much responsibility might have taken my attention away from the healing process we were all going through.
Whatever your situation is today, don’t be afraid to hope. God may or may not give you what you want, but He will give you what you need, if you will trust His timing. He knows what you’re ready for and what would overwhelm you, or lead you in the wrong direction. The most important thing is to keep your heart focused on Him and let Him decide.
Job had it bad. Everything that could possibly go wrong for him did. In one day, his enemies carried off all his wealth, killed his servants, and his children all died when the house they were in collapsed. Job didn’t know it was all a test instigated from Satan, to see if he would still trust in God, even if everything was taken away.
Job was heartbroken, but didn’t give up his faith in God. Then Satan got permission to attack his body. Job was covered in painful sores, from the top of his head to the bottoms of his feet. His friends, who should have shown compassion and support, told him he was suffering because he was a sinner. His wife said to curse God and die. He was utterly alone in his suffering, exhausted by the effort it took to keep living. He thought about ending his life, but knew that wouldn’t solve his problems.
In deep anguish he said, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him…” (Job 13:15). Job didn’t know how it would end, but he knew God was his only hope. How? Because he had spent a lifetime getting to know God, who had proved Himself faithful.
So he held on. He even prayed for his friends when God asked him to, because they had given him wrong advice. And, in the end, “…the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before.All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the Lord had brought on him, and each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring. The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part” (Job 42:10-12).
Bible scholars believe Job is the oldest book in the Bible. Why do you think God made sure it was written first? I think it’s because everyone suffers, and we want to know why. Sometimes it’s a test, like in Job’s case, to see if we will trust God in the dark. Sometimes we suffer because of our own stupid choices. Other times we suffer because people make bad choices that affect us. We also suffer because we live in a world infected by sin.
No matter what the reason, the answer is still the same: hope in God. Even if we don’t have the strength to stand up or speak an intelligible word, much less sing in praise, we can pray for help. And God will answer.
We can say, “My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word” (Psalm 119:28). And God will answer.
Hang on. Don’t give up. Look to Jesus for help.
Here is a depiction of Job from the Story album. In it, we see Job’s pain, but also his strong faith in God that kept him going.
Pain can leave us speechless. It’s hard to know what to say when someone has just lost someone dear to them. How can you encourage your friend with a terminal illness without sounding trite? How can you comfort someone whose home has gone up in smoke? Who suffers in a loveless marriage? Who endures so much heartache and turmoil every day that you wonder how they keep going?
Sabina Wurmbrand was arrested in 1950 and spent three years in a Romanian labor camp during the Communist reign, because she was a Christian. She and other believers were thrown together with murderers, thieves, and hardened criminals. Surrounded by such darkness, many were tempted to despair. Sabina visited that same prison in the 1990’s and told the inmates her story about the power of words.*
When she was there the prisoners began each day with hateful words—to each other and the world at large. Opening their eyes to this every day was worse for the believers than all the torture, beatings, and hunger. “It was like being in hell,” Sabina said. They wondered how they could maintain any kind of hope in such a place.
One young woman in their group spoke up. “We have a program for all the Christians wherever they are—Psalm 107. Do you know how it starts? ‘Oh, give thanks to the Lord for His mercy endures forever.’” Then she emphasized the rest of the verse. “‘Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.”
And so the battle ensued. These Christian women decided to make Psalm 107:1 their morning greeting to everyone they saw, believers as well as unbelievers. And it transformed the prison! “The hell was changed completely by the Word of God, by giving thanks to the Lord even in the most difficult circumstances.” Non-believers began asking them in the middle of the night if they would teach them the greeting and they began repeating the words.
The rest of Psalm 107 fleshes out many difficulties people experience in life: homelessness, hunger, thirst, imprisonment, depression, storms, and oppression. In every situation, their hope came when they turned away from despair and gave praise to God. The last verse says, “Let the one who is wise heed these things and ponder the loving deeds of the LORD” (Psalm 107:43, NIV).
Ponder. Think about God, then praise Him. What a plan!
In these months of “imprisonment” under COVID-19’s tyranny, we’ve heard voices of cursing, fear, bewilderment, and deception. We can begin each morning with the news and lose all courage to face the day and reach out to those around us. Or, we can begin each day in God’s Word and give thanks for His unfailing mercy. Then speak this hope to whoever we meet. We’re redeemed! Let’s say so.
How might our words of faith and praise to God affect those around us? What we choose to speak from the prison of our own trials and suffering can make all the difference in how others view our faith and the God we believe in. Will they put their hope in Christ and ask us to teach them the words too?
* Sabina and Richard Wurmbrand were taken from their home and young son by the communists in Romania. They were starved, beaten, and persecuted for their faith in Jesus. After their eventual release they started a ministry to make the rest of the world aware of modern day persecution. The Voice of the Martyrs continues to inform saints around the world how to equip and pray for our brothers and sisters who have lost jobs, homes, families, and are suffering torture and death for their faith. Quotes in this article are from the May 2020 issue of “The Voice of the Martyrs.”
My husband and I love the movie The Croods. It’s about a family of cavemen. Eep has always hungered for light; one night she ventures from the security of the cave as the last rays of the sun touch the earth. She stretches as far as she can to feel the warmth on her hand until it is gone. Then she sees another light in the distance, and is drawn to Guy’s fire. He introduces the family to new ideas, shoes, and the promise of a better life.
Eep’s
dad is a loving father, but overprotective and fearful. Grug works overtime passing
his fear on to his children. He wants to keep them in the cave where it is
safe. What he doesn’t know is their world is coming to an end. Their cave won’t
be able to protect them from the cataclysmic changes coming to earth.
When
an earthquake destroys their cave, the family must trust Guy and follow him to a
place he calls Tomorrow. Grug complains and argues every step of the way. His
family is divided between the old ways and the life Guy offers. As soon as new dangers
threaten, they’re tempted to run to the nearest cave for safety.
Only
Eep refuses to go. Grug tries to convince her they must do it to stay alive,
but his daughter has found something better. Here’s their conversation:
Grug: …it’s my job to worry! It’s my job to follow
the rules.
Eep: The rules don’t work out here.
Grug: They kept us alive.
Eep: That wasn’t living! That was just…. “Not
Dying”! There’s a difference.
Grug: …you have to listen to me.
Eep: We would be DEAD if we listened to
you! Not aliveness. We have to follow Guy now.
See any spiritual applications in this conversation?
Guy is like Jesus,
who brought light to a people living in darkness, offering hope for a better
tomorrow. Unlike Guy, who dreams of a
place called Tomorrow, Jesus has actually been there. He came in the form of a
man to tell us how to get there, and to show us the way. He said, “I
am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but
will have the light of life” (John 8:12, NIV).
We are like the
Crood family—huddled in the dark, afraid of danger lurking outside; surviving,
but yearning for more than just “not dying.”
People like Eep, who catch a glimpse of the Light, want what Christ has to offer. And He’s waiting for those who will seek Him. Some will choose to follow Jesus and be saved. Others will hang back in fear only to watch everything they’ve trusted crumble to dust. Many will trust Jesus but waver along the way. I have done all three.
From a young age
I yearned for more. I knew my own wretchedness and hated the darkness I saw
inside myself. I longed for light and more than just not dying. The day I gave
my all to Jesus was like coming out of a cave into brilliant light. Suddenly I
had a reason to live. Even in times of tremendous personal pain, I have never
felt more alive.
Before that transformational day, I hung back
in fear—fear of what my friends would say if I got “religious,” afraid of what
I’d have to give up to become a Christian, fearing what God might ask me to do.
My only regret is not following Him sooner. Even so, I have wavered at times.
Why would I do
that, after seeing the light and getting a taste of real life? Why would anyone go back to their cave? Here are three reasons
why:
Fear
Although Jesus has seen Tomorrow and knows how to get us there, it’s
new to us. And our natural instinct is to doubt. I’ve been afraid to try new
things for fear I will fail in front of everyone. All of us fear something out
there, and when we take our eyes off Jesus, it doesn’t take long before we slip
back into the cave. Sometimes we don’t even realize we have until we notice how
dark it is.
Rules
Like Grug, we think it’s our job to follow the rules. However, Jesus reprimanded rule-keeping Pharisees and teachers of the Law who rejected God’s plan of salvation. Being a rule follower myself, I begin to think I need to be perfect before I can leave the cave. We can fall into the same trap trying to earn our way to heaven. Forgiveness is free—bought and paid for on the cross.
Habit
Old habits are hard to get rid of; cave dwellers tend to return to their caves when danger threatens. It may be dark and damp, but hey, it’s home. Even though I hate myself when I run to food for comfort instead of Jesus, it happens all too frequently. In the same way, people caught in abusive relationships or addictions often return to the same old trap, because it’s familiar.
The biggest reason why it’s so hard to leave the cave is because
we have an enemy. Satan hates us and wants to see us suffer. Jesus said, “The
thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;” but then He gave us this magnificent promise,
“I have come that they may have life, and
have it to the full” (John 10:10, NIV).
So the question is, do
we want to settle for just “not dying,” or do we want life—real life, full and abundant life with Jesus?
Despite our fears, legalism, old habits, and all the other things that lure us
back into the darkness. Jesus can lead us into the Light and on to Tomorrow
where there will be no more darkness, no more death or sorrow or pain. If we stick
with Him.
The next member of the Cloud writes to us from prison. Most of the New Testament of the Bible is a collection of letters written by Apostle Paul, imprisoned for telling people about Jesus. This letter, however, is written by a brother who found his way to Jesus while in prison. My husband and I knew and loved him B.C. (before Christ). Whenever the subject of God came up in conversation, so did his walls of hostility, so we committed to loving him and praying God would open up his heart. We never could have imagined how God would answer those prayers.
Now that he’s our forever brother, the love between us is even stronger. Although he will not be out for a while yet, we keep up through letters. And what letters they are! He is building our faith as we read about his progress in the Lord.
I asked him recently if he would tell me what happened those months he was away from us. What finally took down his armor? The next three posts are excerpts from his fourteen-page testimony. His story is nothing short of amazing.
“Hello My Friends,
“You are always welcome to share anything I write – as long as it glorifies God! To be honest with you – it seems like I’ve been under attack since I began this project. I hope there is something in here Satan doesn’t like!
“You are so right. I do walk in freedom – praise Him! Every day is cool – with the exceptional moments when I try to drive!
“In April of 2012 I found myself in another jail cell, in another state, looking at another prison sentence. Being ‘on the run’ for the last six months, the lifestyle associated with my ‘nothing to lose’ mind set, the trauma of my most recent experiences. Fear, heavy drug use, and my crushed spirit had left me in a serious mental health crisis – in a psychosis, partially drug induced, completely separated from any sense of reality. I recognize this as the moment my spirit began crying out to God.
“That is exactly where I [was]. Rock Bottom. I think I [had] actually been there for a short while. Running from my own shadow. Unable to drown out the voices in my head or sleep at all, having little to no regard for anyone or anything, including myself; challenging the police to shoot me (thank you Father for bailing me out of that one!). [I was] strapped to a restraining device call ‘the chair’ made for violent or out of control individuals, groaning (that is really the only word for the sounds I [was] using to drown out the voices), refusing to eat, and planning my own death by hanging. Going as far as making sure I could get the sheets tied right to do the job. (I was stopped by an officer making her rounds and then an unexpected but timely cell search. (Thank you again Jesus!)
“A significant change had begun in me. Even in the twisted state I was in I recognized power at work, and maybe even some of its potential. The problem lay in the fact that I didn’t recognize that power as His power. I began thinking this power was within me. That I only had to learn how to use, channel, and exercise ‘my power,’ and I could control not only my own destiny, but also many significant circumstances around me.
“But this set me off in search – in search of wisdom, in search of truth, and eventually He allowed me to see it!”
